want to disappear?

I do somedays...

Can't we just run away from everything and hide?

This is too hard.  This life is too hard.
It's too hard to be the loving mother I want to be because my own agenda, pride, wants, irritations get completely in the way and I can sometimes look at my children as if they are in the way. (ugh)

It's too hard to be a good wife, especially when he disappears emotionally and I'm left here to deal with all of this by myself.

It's too hard to walk in the path of Christ when everything around us is showing an easier, softer, more fun and certainly easier way to go.

It's too hard to eat what I'm supposed to and not indulge in anything and everything decadent!

It's too hard to keep putting myself out there and gathering the strength to deal with another rejection, another misunderstanding, another hurt, another failure.

It's too hard to not just slip away and disappear.

....and my life is pretty easy compared to many....

We make ourselves crazy 50 weeks out of the year so we can be completely lazy for 2 weeks and disappear...at the beach, in the mountains...in our own room.

Why can't we find a way to live in greater harmony every day?

I want to take mini vacations every day...just a few moments here and there where I can stop seeing all that needs to be done and become more aware of all that already is being done.

Even in my awareness of the over abundance of blessings and gifts in my life...
Even in the presence of the hugs and "I love you's" from my children....
Even in the afterglow of  notes, emails, phone calls and letters of thanks....
Even in the midst of grace, I am still so lost sometimes.

We were never promised this life would be easy.  We were never promised it would be without pain, suffering, irritations, setbacks, failures, losses.  We were promised that we would never have to be alone in the midst of it.

How do we keep walking when everything just gets so hard?

Read the promises and cling to the hope of a future time.
When we are looking at where we are going and stay focused on that, our present doesn't overwhelm.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God: for I
shall yet praise Him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God." Psalm 43:5

"We have hope as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters into that within
the veil." Hebrews 6:19

It is only when I look at me that I become disquieted, disoriented, disappointed and discouraged.

When I look at Christ I am comforted, called, consoled and claimed!

Phillipians 4:8
"Finally, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

for today, I will not look at all that I am not accomplishing, becoming.... for today, I will choose to look at all the He did and rest in His accomplishment.