There are so many people hurting all over the world every day. This weekend, many of those people were part of our circle and so our hearts are heavy with sharing their burdens of grief, pain and loss.
As I entered into prayer for these friends, I found myself asking God,
"How do You bear all of the pain? How do You see and feel all of the ones you love anguishing? Your heart must break even as You know the good to which that anguish will lead."
This led me to consider the heart of God. We are made in His image and seeing and knowing Jesus is seeing and knowing God. (John 14:9)
Jesus weeps with Martha and Mary at the death of Lazarus. (John 11:35)
Jesus weeps over Jerusalem. (Luke 19:41)
God cries.
God cries, too.
"Change my heart O God. Make it ever true. Change my heart O God. May I be like You."
To be compassionate, to share in the pain of those we love and feel the same ache that they feel...this is to be like God. That means God is hurting with your hurt. God is crying with you as you cry.
I know the pain I feel in my soul when my children are hurting, even when I know that the current hurt will lead them to a greater joy...
...even when I am the one who is allowing them to experience that hurt...
God is good. God is always good. Everything that happens to those who love Him is good...even when it doesn't feel that way. And in the midst of that pain, in the midst of the struggle and the anguish, trust that He, the God of the universe, is crying with you.
Imagine all the hurt of all the world bearing down on a heart of compassion. What would that be like?
Lead me to the cross...
Francesca Battistelli sings this song...
Savior I come
Quiet my soul
Remember
Redemption's hill
Where Your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
You were as I
Tempted and tried
Human
The word became flesh
Bore my sin and death
Now you're risen
Everything I once I held dear
I count it all as loss
To your heart
To your heart
Lead me to your heart
Lead me to your heart
For today...rest in the TRUTH that God is good and He is holding you right now, crying when you cry, laughing while you laugh and only a heartbeat away.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
all about asking
Every night it's the same thing from my youngest two...
"Will your read? Will you lay down with me? Are you coming up? Will you come back and check on me later? Will you sing? Can I stay up and read after you leave?"
Every night, same questions regardless of my response the night before.
Every night. Religiously. Undeterred. Persistently. Confidently.
Children don't have any trouble asking for anything. I just heard a statistic about the number of times a toddler will hear the word, "no" in a day...I can't remember the exact number, but it was a lot! It doesn't seem to deter them either.
Why do adults, well, why do I have so much trouble asking for what I want?
hmmmmmm.....
I feel I already have so much. I feel it makes me appear ungrateful. I feel that by asking for some thing I am minimizing my asking for Him. I don't want a vending machine God and I certainly don't want to appear to Him or to myself that I am in fact looking for a vending machine God.
But, we either believe and follow or we don't. We don't get to pick and choose which commands to believe and which we should follow.
Come to me.
Ask and it will be given to you.
Anything you ask in my name.
What is it that you want?
Ask, even though He already knows what we need and what we want- He still wants us to ask. Why?
~positioning~ asking for something keeps us in the right perspective of our need and His provision, power and authority
~enjoyment~ He desires to give us good things and wants to be needed; our asking brings Him joy
~our benefit~ asking is good for us. Everything God tells us to do is for our own good, even when we can't understand why.
When the blind man comes to Jesus, Jesus asks the man, "What do you want me to do for you?" (matt 20:32) I am really close to certain that Jesus already knows what the man wants. He wants to see. The audience knows what the man wants. So why does Jesus ask him?
I think He wants the man to ask, to be specific, to have faith, to recognize His power to heal and to show that we have the right to ask.
I have always struggled with asking. I am certain it is my pride and my illusion that I shouldn't need to ask, but should be able to do for myself. THIS is why I must ask. My asking is a demonstration of my humility and an acknowledgment of my complete lack.
There are things I want. I will ask and I will believe that I will receive them. If I do not, it is only because there is a better thing, not because I shouldn't have asked.
For today, what do you want? Pray God's word and read His promises. The "if-then" statements throughout scripture that encourage us to ask and believe in faith, not in hope, but in faith that we will receive. Ask.
"Will your read? Will you lay down with me? Are you coming up? Will you come back and check on me later? Will you sing? Can I stay up and read after you leave?"
Every night, same questions regardless of my response the night before.
Every night. Religiously. Undeterred. Persistently. Confidently.
Children don't have any trouble asking for anything. I just heard a statistic about the number of times a toddler will hear the word, "no" in a day...I can't remember the exact number, but it was a lot! It doesn't seem to deter them either.
Why do adults, well, why do I have so much trouble asking for what I want?
hmmmmmm.....
I feel I already have so much. I feel it makes me appear ungrateful. I feel that by asking for some thing I am minimizing my asking for Him. I don't want a vending machine God and I certainly don't want to appear to Him or to myself that I am in fact looking for a vending machine God.
But, we either believe and follow or we don't. We don't get to pick and choose which commands to believe and which we should follow.
Come to me.
Ask and it will be given to you.
Anything you ask in my name.
What is it that you want?
Ask, even though He already knows what we need and what we want- He still wants us to ask. Why?
~positioning~ asking for something keeps us in the right perspective of our need and His provision, power and authority
~enjoyment~ He desires to give us good things and wants to be needed; our asking brings Him joy
~our benefit~ asking is good for us. Everything God tells us to do is for our own good, even when we can't understand why.
When the blind man comes to Jesus, Jesus asks the man, "What do you want me to do for you?" (matt 20:32) I am really close to certain that Jesus already knows what the man wants. He wants to see. The audience knows what the man wants. So why does Jesus ask him?
I think He wants the man to ask, to be specific, to have faith, to recognize His power to heal and to show that we have the right to ask.
I have always struggled with asking. I am certain it is my pride and my illusion that I shouldn't need to ask, but should be able to do for myself. THIS is why I must ask. My asking is a demonstration of my humility and an acknowledgment of my complete lack.
There are things I want. I will ask and I will believe that I will receive them. If I do not, it is only because there is a better thing, not because I shouldn't have asked.
For today, what do you want? Pray God's word and read His promises. The "if-then" statements throughout scripture that encourage us to ask and believe in faith, not in hope, but in faith that we will receive. Ask.
Monday, February 13, 2012
birthdays
I'm 41 today.
I remember the year I turned 31. 2002. I was 7 months pregnant with Max. Jess had just turned 5. Kate was 3 1/2, Abby was 18 months. We lived on Summit in Bellevue. I cried. I felt old and exhausted. I spent the day, the cold and snowy day, at home with the kids. I dreamed about being 41. I thought about what it would be like to have teenagers, to sleep all night, to care about my appearance, to get my body back...to have money by then!
I looked forward to my 40's thinking about how it would be and who I would be and I must say that for the most part, all of those dreams and wishes have come true.
While it is cold, it's not snowing! The kids are all in school. They are 15, 13, 11 and almost 10. I just got 7 and 1/2 hours of complete sleep and I'm planning on going out for the day... just me. My own time, my own body...without any attachments (you know, the ones that cling and hang and cry and whine....)
Well, it's still February though. And February finances are still not something to get excited about, but I must say that 41 is feeling pretty good.
Except....
why is there always an except? Why can't I just be satisfied?
Except...well....I'm 41. A friend was talking about the ages of the people in a group she considered joining, but they were all middle aged. Watch it I said....I'm middle aged! I'm that woman, the one with the house and the kids and the life in full swing.
No longer waiting for things to start, but wondering how much I missed while I was waiting.
My greatest thanks today is for my glenn. I love that I can remember him at 12 and he me. I love that he remembers, that he knows me at 18, 25, 31 and pregnant and crying and tired. That he knows ...everything and that he loves because of, in spite of, still.
Why- in the midst of the greatest time of my life- the joy and peace, the family and friends, the business and purpose- in the midst of this time why do I still feel an ache? A longing.
If I am blessed with a long life, I'm only just now getting to the halfway point...so much more to do, to say, to live...and yet...I feel such sadness at the time gone by.
Trust me...I do not wish for the years of no sleep, diapers and the constancy of babies and toddlers...I do not want to do that again...I just wonder how it is that it came and went so quickly and how I find myself on the other side of that time. and it's not about missing anything. I have been truly blessed...I was there for every moment with each child, each word, each step, each first...and yet....they still passed. I was there and yet they are still over.
But....
Jess will learn to drive this year. Max will play baseball. Abby is taking gymnastics and Katherine will start high school. They are still having firsts and I am still here for every one. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. I am so truly blessed.
We are doing my favorite thing later today....
I'll shop for lots of fresh foods and we'll all hang out in the kitchen cooking together. Great music playing, lots of sharing and laughing. Enjoying wine and one another's stories. Time. Time to just be together and notice the life we are living. Just the six of us....enjoying time together.
Notice the life you are living. Whether it is good times or hard times, it's the life you are living. Be present to it as it too will change and move forward.
Happy Birthday. Yes, it's a happy birthday. My heart is full and that is the ache. An abundance of anything can make us ache...even abundance of goodness. My cup runneth over.
I remember the year I turned 31. 2002. I was 7 months pregnant with Max. Jess had just turned 5. Kate was 3 1/2, Abby was 18 months. We lived on Summit in Bellevue. I cried. I felt old and exhausted. I spent the day, the cold and snowy day, at home with the kids. I dreamed about being 41. I thought about what it would be like to have teenagers, to sleep all night, to care about my appearance, to get my body back...to have money by then!
I looked forward to my 40's thinking about how it would be and who I would be and I must say that for the most part, all of those dreams and wishes have come true.
While it is cold, it's not snowing! The kids are all in school. They are 15, 13, 11 and almost 10. I just got 7 and 1/2 hours of complete sleep and I'm planning on going out for the day... just me. My own time, my own body...without any attachments (you know, the ones that cling and hang and cry and whine....)
Well, it's still February though. And February finances are still not something to get excited about, but I must say that 41 is feeling pretty good.
Except....
why is there always an except? Why can't I just be satisfied?
Except...well....I'm 41. A friend was talking about the ages of the people in a group she considered joining, but they were all middle aged. Watch it I said....I'm middle aged! I'm that woman, the one with the house and the kids and the life in full swing.
No longer waiting for things to start, but wondering how much I missed while I was waiting.
My greatest thanks today is for my glenn. I love that I can remember him at 12 and he me. I love that he remembers, that he knows me at 18, 25, 31 and pregnant and crying and tired. That he knows ...everything and that he loves because of, in spite of, still.
Why- in the midst of the greatest time of my life- the joy and peace, the family and friends, the business and purpose- in the midst of this time why do I still feel an ache? A longing.
If I am blessed with a long life, I'm only just now getting to the halfway point...so much more to do, to say, to live...and yet...I feel such sadness at the time gone by.
Trust me...I do not wish for the years of no sleep, diapers and the constancy of babies and toddlers...I do not want to do that again...I just wonder how it is that it came and went so quickly and how I find myself on the other side of that time. and it's not about missing anything. I have been truly blessed...I was there for every moment with each child, each word, each step, each first...and yet....they still passed. I was there and yet they are still over.
But....
Jess will learn to drive this year. Max will play baseball. Abby is taking gymnastics and Katherine will start high school. They are still having firsts and I am still here for every one. I am so blessed. I am so blessed. I am so truly blessed.
We are doing my favorite thing later today....
I'll shop for lots of fresh foods and we'll all hang out in the kitchen cooking together. Great music playing, lots of sharing and laughing. Enjoying wine and one another's stories. Time. Time to just be together and notice the life we are living. Just the six of us....enjoying time together.
Notice the life you are living. Whether it is good times or hard times, it's the life you are living. Be present to it as it too will change and move forward.
Happy Birthday. Yes, it's a happy birthday. My heart is full and that is the ache. An abundance of anything can make us ache...even abundance of goodness. My cup runneth over.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The year in a word
Several years ago at the beginning of Advent, our pastor asked us to think of a word. As Advent is the beginning of the church year, this was like a New Year's Resolution of sorts. This word we chose, he asked us to pray about, meditate on and heartfully consider what our word would be for that year...maybe it was 2008 or 2009. I took that request very seriously. Words are very important to me and some have quite special meanings for me personally. So choosing the right word for my coming year was a task I wanted to ponder deeply.
All that next week, no matter what word I wanted to choose, and I came up with several that I thought were striking or challenging or powerful, no matter how I tried to choose a word, one word kept choosing me...grace.
I never spent much time considering grace. It was just a word. But that November it became my word and in the coming year I came to really know grace, experience grace and learn to live grace. So much so that I continued that the next year.
One year learning to receive it and the next year learning to give it.
Transformational.
It was time to choose a new word and my word was joy. Mostly I believe because I didn't have it and knew I wanted it, knew that as a believer I was commanded to be joyful in the Lord...and I wasn't.
This year my word came to me late. It was early January, rather than late November and I realized I did not have a word that called to me for 2012. Again, I tried to create one, to come up with something that felt right, felt like me in this year.
It came to me very quietly through a dozen conversations with several close friends. It's a word that never really captured my attention before, but now is everywhere. You know how that is...when something becomes valuable to you, you begin to see evidence of it everywhere.
I've heard people speak about at rally, share it in private conversations and a few weeks ago, it was the topic of one of my daily devotions.
harmony
We strive for balance, but that isn't possible. Balance is a state of non-motion. If something is balanced, there is no movement. Our lives swing like a pendulum, always too far in one direction causing us further stress and guilt because we are not "in balance."
harmony
Harmony isn't about everything being equalized, but everything working together with agreement or accord; a pleasing arrangement of parts.
I love the sound of that for my life...a pleasing arrangement of parts. No one else can tell me when my life is in harmony, only I will know and whatever that looks like is good....for me.
My word for 2012 is harmony. I love even the sound of it! The peaceful way it comes off the tongue without any harsh notes....harmony. My year will unfold peacefully without any harsh notes either. Regardless of what the external circumstances may be, my internal compass is turned to harmony and the peaceful pleasing arrangements of all the parts....relationships, faith, children, business, leisure, health...in agreement or accord with what I value and in a way that I am at peace in my spirit.
What is your word? I challenge you to ponder and pray over what is calling to you, what new flavor you might find in an ordinary word that will shape you and your world this year.
Take the week and pay attention. Wake up to your world and look deeply at your life and what is showing itself. The last several years have been transforming for me. My words have anchored me during difficult times and kept me grounded in the Word. Joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, humility and self control...maybe self control will be next year!
Right now, I am meditating on His peace and trusting in His provision without striving to control what I can't control. Where are you? Where do you want to be? Start moving in that direction...one word at a time.
All that next week, no matter what word I wanted to choose, and I came up with several that I thought were striking or challenging or powerful, no matter how I tried to choose a word, one word kept choosing me...grace.
I never spent much time considering grace. It was just a word. But that November it became my word and in the coming year I came to really know grace, experience grace and learn to live grace. So much so that I continued that the next year.
One year learning to receive it and the next year learning to give it.
Transformational.
It was time to choose a new word and my word was joy. Mostly I believe because I didn't have it and knew I wanted it, knew that as a believer I was commanded to be joyful in the Lord...and I wasn't.
This year my word came to me late. It was early January, rather than late November and I realized I did not have a word that called to me for 2012. Again, I tried to create one, to come up with something that felt right, felt like me in this year.
It came to me very quietly through a dozen conversations with several close friends. It's a word that never really captured my attention before, but now is everywhere. You know how that is...when something becomes valuable to you, you begin to see evidence of it everywhere.
I've heard people speak about at rally, share it in private conversations and a few weeks ago, it was the topic of one of my daily devotions.
harmony
We strive for balance, but that isn't possible. Balance is a state of non-motion. If something is balanced, there is no movement. Our lives swing like a pendulum, always too far in one direction causing us further stress and guilt because we are not "in balance."
harmony
Harmony isn't about everything being equalized, but everything working together with agreement or accord; a pleasing arrangement of parts.
I love the sound of that for my life...a pleasing arrangement of parts. No one else can tell me when my life is in harmony, only I will know and whatever that looks like is good....for me.
My word for 2012 is harmony. I love even the sound of it! The peaceful way it comes off the tongue without any harsh notes....harmony. My year will unfold peacefully without any harsh notes either. Regardless of what the external circumstances may be, my internal compass is turned to harmony and the peaceful pleasing arrangements of all the parts....relationships, faith, children, business, leisure, health...in agreement or accord with what I value and in a way that I am at peace in my spirit.
What is your word? I challenge you to ponder and pray over what is calling to you, what new flavor you might find in an ordinary word that will shape you and your world this year.
Take the week and pay attention. Wake up to your world and look deeply at your life and what is showing itself. The last several years have been transforming for me. My words have anchored me during difficult times and kept me grounded in the Word. Joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, humility and self control...maybe self control will be next year!
Right now, I am meditating on His peace and trusting in His provision without striving to control what I can't control. Where are you? Where do you want to be? Start moving in that direction...one word at a time.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Our thought life
Watch your thoughts they become your words.
Watch your words they become your actions.
Watch your actions they become your habits.
Watch your habits they become your character.
Watch your character it becomes your destiny.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore is not an act, but a habit." ~Aristotle
We all try to change our behavior, but it's our thoughts that need changing.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2
"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phillipians 4:8
What thoughts are creating your destiny? Thoughts-words-actions-habits-character-destiny...that's the path. What is your starting point?
I am amazed as I look back over the past several years and see the transformation that God has done in me...in my thoughts and in my words, therefore in my destiny.
Layer by layer, He reveals myself to me. (only of course a little at a time as too much of me at once would have been paralyzing I'm sure!) When we try to change our behavior, those daily habits that we are not happy with....too much yelling, stress, not enough quiet time, cold relationships, sloth, gluttony....the enemy keeps us chained because of the thoughts we continue to entertain!
He knows if his demons or evil spirits can capture peoples' minds they can capture their bodies. Isn't this the same purpose the armies of this world capture prisoners...to brainwash them?
"As a man thinks (in his heart) so he is." Proverbs 23:7
So again, consider, what thoughts are dictating your destiny?
When we renew our minds and think on the promises of God, we become better people because we are not focusing on our behavior and our weakness, but on His glory and His power.
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
"He gives power to the powerless and strength to the weak." Isaiah 40:29
"But all who listen to me will live in peace, runtroubled by fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33
"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition bring your requests to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6
When we renew our mind and think on these such things, God promises us a different kind of future!
He has overcome the world already. He has already won and the battle is now in our minds for our destinies...what will yours be?
It is so exciting when we finally realize that we can choose joy regardless of the external circumstances. And I don't mean say we're joyful and use that word with holy slander, mocking real joy. We can say we are joyful in all circumstances because we're supposed to "learn to be content with both (much and little)" but actually harbor thoughts of bitterness, resentment, fear, wrong judgment. Remember, it's our thoughts that have the power.
Whatever is true, noble, lovely, pure...think on these things.
For today, consider all that is good, mediate on only the beauty and goodness that surrounds you. Be renewed in your mind and watch your life begin to change.
Watch your words they become your actions.
Watch your actions they become your habits.
Watch your habits they become your character.
Watch your character it becomes your destiny.
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore is not an act, but a habit." ~Aristotle
We all try to change our behavior, but it's our thoughts that need changing.
"Do not be conformed to this world, but continually be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you may be able to determine what God's will is-what is proper, pleasing, and perfect." Romans 12:2
"whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Phillipians 4:8
What thoughts are creating your destiny? Thoughts-words-actions-habits-character-destiny...that's the path. What is your starting point?
I am amazed as I look back over the past several years and see the transformation that God has done in me...in my thoughts and in my words, therefore in my destiny.
Layer by layer, He reveals myself to me. (only of course a little at a time as too much of me at once would have been paralyzing I'm sure!) When we try to change our behavior, those daily habits that we are not happy with....too much yelling, stress, not enough quiet time, cold relationships, sloth, gluttony....the enemy keeps us chained because of the thoughts we continue to entertain!
He knows if his demons or evil spirits can capture peoples' minds they can capture their bodies. Isn't this the same purpose the armies of this world capture prisoners...to brainwash them?
"As a man thinks (in his heart) so he is." Proverbs 23:7
So again, consider, what thoughts are dictating your destiny?
When we renew our minds and think on the promises of God, we become better people because we are not focusing on our behavior and our weakness, but on His glory and His power.
"For I know the plans I have for you says the Lord, plans to prosper you and give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"Come to me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
"He gives power to the powerless and strength to the weak." Isaiah 40:29
"But all who listen to me will live in peace, runtroubled by fear of harm." Proverbs 1:33
"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid." John 14:27
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition bring your requests to God and the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 4:6
When we renew our mind and think on these such things, God promises us a different kind of future!
He has overcome the world already. He has already won and the battle is now in our minds for our destinies...what will yours be?
It is so exciting when we finally realize that we can choose joy regardless of the external circumstances. And I don't mean say we're joyful and use that word with holy slander, mocking real joy. We can say we are joyful in all circumstances because we're supposed to "learn to be content with both (much and little)" but actually harbor thoughts of bitterness, resentment, fear, wrong judgment. Remember, it's our thoughts that have the power.
Whatever is true, noble, lovely, pure...think on these things.
For today, consider all that is good, mediate on only the beauty and goodness that surrounds you. Be renewed in your mind and watch your life begin to change.
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